


Everything Illogical

by ritsuko



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Observations, Other, Vignette, idk i suck at tags, weird alien sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 06:13:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/846233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ritsuko/pseuds/ritsuko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five things Spock learned about humans from watching Jim, and one thing he learned about Jim from watching other humans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything Illogical

**Author's Note:**

> A prompt for the [Star Trek Into Darkness Kink Meme](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/STID_KinkMeme_Fills)

James Tiberius Kirk is a grabby person.

Constantly, Spock shirks at the touch of the blonde. Whether a seemingly friendly clap on the shoulder, or a slight brush of knuckles against his when putting pieces on the chess board, the Vulcan finds it highly irritating. Especially when he sees the captain touching other people. An arm slung around the doctor's shoulder. An encouraging pat on Chekov's back. Even a snuck in bro fist with Sulu on the bridge. It seems that Jim Kirk will touch anyone and anything just because he likes the feel of another living breathing person, that contact, no matter how short or long. It makes his blue eyes sparkle, like sunlight hitting a cresting wave. 

Perhaps it came from spending his early and most formative years on Vulcan, but touching another person is still foreign and new to Spock, even after all of his time at Academy. But if Jim is any indication for the rest of the human race, all of this touching is more than normal, it is expected.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spock cannot help but inwardly groan watching his captain eat. Not only is he sloppy in his hand held food choices of burgers and fries (a replicator burger is not as good as a real burger cooked on the grill, Jim assures the Vulcan), but it gets everywhere. Ketchup lining the corners of his mouth, the grease of the meat dripping onto his pants, until Bones, with an irritated sigh, lays a napkin in the oblivious blonde's lap. He eats like it's a race, sucking down his drink while Bones fusses over the food he's eating. 

"I'm gonna put you on a diet if you don't stop eating that shit every meal." The Doctor chides, but Spock has seen this scene play out a hundred times. Jim looks hurt, but continues to scarf his burger, messily jamming it and several ketchup coated fries into his mouth.

"Aw witen awp Bawns!" Jim states good naturedly, burger bits spraying from his mouth. The rest of the table looks disgusted or amused. Spock just raises an eyebrow.

_Humans can be so crude_ he thinks, as he delicately eats his soup.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's unsure what is said or who said it, but the first punch is definitely thrown by Kirk. The small bar in Downtown San Francisco is full of all sorts, human and alien, gay, straight and bi. It had taken just about everything Uhura, Scotty, Bones and Jim had to pull him away from his research to go with them, and he was already deeply chagrined to be a part of their rowdy group. Even Nyota is uncharacteristically raucous, perhaps from one too many shots of Saurian brandy.

It is, to say the least, shocking when Kirk flies off the bar stool and smashes his fist into the Romulan's face, green blood spraying across the dance floor. What Jim hasn't seen was the man's three friends, quickly leaping from their perches at the bar to defend their downed friend. Punches fly, one knocking the captain in the jaw, spinning him around, but Jim just grins, coming back with an uppercut. Bones curses under his breath, and Scotty breaks a bottle on the bar, jumping into the fray. Even Uhura joins in, raking her nails down the face of one of the Romulans. Spock curses, jumping in only to grab Jim, who is now very dizzy looking and motions for the rest to run, sirens already in the distance. It would not do to get arrested during their shore leave and keep the Enterprise docked for a month. 

They run, until they are in an alley, several blocks away, laughing and howling good naturedly, all except for Spock. _Are all humans so excited by the prospect of a fight?_ He glares at his captain.

"What did you think you were doing?"

Kirk's answer shocks him. "I had to. No one's gonna call you a pointy eared bastard, but me." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Jim doesn't show up at the rendezvous point at 1300 hours, Spock starts to worry. Quickly he takes out his communicator and tries to page the captain, to no avail. Since he is alone, he lets a near silent curse out, and doubles back, searching through the lilac and rust colored foliage for the reckless leader. 

He is beginning to think that his search will prove fruitless and is about to contact the Enterprise to see if Scotty can get a fix on his location when he hears an unabashed moan in a thicket of spongy flowers. Phaser drawn, he crashes through the thicket-

\- and blushes a deep green. Jim is currently. . . naked with an indigenous unidentifiable species. It is hard to tell exactly what the creature is, other than a pile of translucent cyan goo trembling over his captain's naked pelvis, Jim thrusting lustily into the mass. He stares one second too long and then abruptly turns away. He waits on the other side of the thicket as he hears the captain come, crying in pleasure into the gelatinous creature, trying hard not to think about it.

_Disgusting. Irrational. Completely against the prime directive._ The Vulcan squeezes his eyes shut, but cannot get the image of Jim screwing his cock into the creature, every detail of his lower half tinged blue. Kirk comes out of the bushes a few seconds later, tucking himself back into his pants. 

"What? It approached me." The captain laughs at the grimace on the Vulcan's face, and walks away, whistling happily. 

_Surely, not all humans would fornicate with such indiscretion. . . would they?_

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Vulcan stiffens as a weight crawls next to him on his bed. He then relaxes, groaning tensely as an arm drapes over his torso and whiskey flavored breath invades his nostrils.

"Sir, you are not in your own quarters." He states, tired of how many nights this scene has played out.

"Spaaaaaawk. . . I jus' wan'ed to sheeee youuuuuu. Yuuuuur alwayyys shoooo waaaarm. . ." The captain snuggles deeper into his side, and Spock exhales sharply in irritation. 

"Of course I am, Captain. Vulcan physiology is much different than a humans, it allows us to be able to survive the harsh climate-"

"Spaaaaaaaawk. . . shhhhhhhhhhhhh." Jim presses a finger to his lips, slightly mushing the cupid's bow of the Vulcan's mouth. "Itsh shleepy time."

The raven haired man bristles, but upon hearing the soft snores emanating from the blonde's mouth, sighs and resettles himself. He doesn't know how many humans drink and find themselves in awkward places when they wake, but maybe Kirk is the only one. As he stares down at that face, swollen lips in a smile, the Vulcan is not so sure that he finds it less than fascinating.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The colony is in an uproar. He isn't sure how it has come to this, but suddenly the people of the Aurelian 5 mining colony seem to think that Spock himself is responsible for the irreparable damage to the equipment. Of course he hasn't done anything. They have beamed down to bring supplies, and do maintenance checkups. When Spock was in the middle of checking the diagnostics, something blew, causing a cave-in in the lower mines, trapping 3 personnel. Currently, the Enterprise is transporting them out, but the facts remain, at least to the people of Aurelian 5.

The call him names, scream at him, someone throws a rock. But no matter what words he says, no one will listen to reason, that the accident was none of his doing. Their hate filled names and actions are logical for a people that colonized this planet over a century ago, and have never seen a Vulcan, let alone any other aliens from any world.

Kirk runs up, shielding him from any further projectiles. "What the hell do you people think you are doing?"

They yell their dissent, rage that this captain could allow such a creature to endanger their people.

The blonde pulls himself to his full height, sky blue eyes flashing with fury. "How dare you people think anything unfavorable about my first in command! Mr. Spock is one of the most loyal, true, and trustworthy members of my ship! If you have a problem with him, you're gonna have to get through me!" Jim snarls, seriously affronted. In this moment, Spock can't help but feel utter devotion for his grabby, messy, rowdy, overly sexual, frequently intoxicated _perfect_ captain.

Though Jim can't see it, Spock smiles, truly smiles at his friend, a human who outshines the rest.


End file.
